This whole thing sucks.

My gran's boyfriend died.
He was a really lovely man kind and really caring little spanish man who would take my gran out dancing and found realy old bad jokes and tell them to me when i was little.
he had altzheimer, so could remember a lot the women he loved and house he lives in and how to look after him self. its really sad its a massive shame.

My cousins boyfriend attacked her tried to kill her and she got a away unhurt well phsyically shes fine but apprently its been goin on a while and shes been putting up it.
he seem prefectly normal took her out for dinner, told her she look pretty and held her hand when she wasn't doing to well but now hes an attempted murder.

people really do change, my mum went from being super women, really enough work for 2 jobs, keep our house clean looks after me and my step dad. she lost her step dad well practically and i love David a lot he is my 3rd parent it would hurt so much if he were to die, for my mums sake i dont wanna even think about it.

grief is a funny thing:
1.deep or intense sorrow or distress, esp at the death of someone
2. something that causes keen distress or suffering
3. Informal trouble or annoyance

i dunno anymmore

and i accept it im falling for him
:D only high light of my week

eeek:S

latly i've been tired, life been a little more crappy and harder than it really needs to be.

my mum is wearing really thin, she been working so hard and i really suck as a daughter shes really awesome, wonderful.

i love driving so much but its so hard and is making me really stressy.

i might just be falling for him. it could be a possiblity maybe...

Long Time No See..

i tend not to write if i dont have anything to write about.
but i think i don now, Redland its really good everyone really nice but you know whats its like, we're all still in that akaward phase but it like it.
my lesson are really good, cept psychology i know everything they are teaching because of my gcse.
personaly im a mess, the gut i like refuses to tell/show me how he feels. and another guy who i could like, he lovely hot and right has a girlfriend which sucks but heyho
i'm tired of being single its just not as much fun as i remember it being before.
i miss the safety of it.
i'd like a boyfriend who went Redland, just to have someone to sit with and cheer me up when the rest of the school is going around in the perfect topshop look.
it really isn't me not at all really.
going back to my pathetic love life, that the thing its not really a 'love life' its a sex life ATM which isnt cool but i csnt make myself fall for anyone but him, i dont think id'd want to be with anyone but him. He's so amazing it's really hard just to be around him, he dazzles me. <3

'I'm just a notch in your bed post, but your just a line in a song'


I wish i could have been more, waited longer and made it work.


maybe i'll get a birthday wish ;)



but i probs wont, he just not there anymore. he lives in his head, which would be a brilliant place to spend the lonely hours and the long nights.


i've had people to my mums house which was nice just me laurence tom jess and ngaio lovely and small, nice food stupid telly and warm hugs it was a sucess i belive they're all sleeping now up stairs in my room. i love them so very very much. i lol at jesse( i love you babe but you were so funny with your over reactions) but they are your bitches and she messed with them ;) thats another thing i though it had only me who had used my bedroom for private usage ;) but i have just found out 2 certain someone saw fit to do things in my bedroom. im really not amused but that.....(yeah you know who you aare :P)

still if we were all getting what we wanted i think we'd al be a lot happier. more maybe i'm being selfish, i kinda ruined it before when he wanted more but my heart wasn't quite there after being broken, i might have screwed it up back then and now im just making myself look ridiculous pinning for a bloke who really doesn't seem all that interested.

I really hope he is.... please