relative ages

we would all like to think we're grown up,
because that would mean people treating us as adults, no one like being talked down to, treated like they cant look after them selves or that they are to young to have an opinion.
for years i was different, pertending to be younger to fit in with you lovely people, i do enjoy being childish but it never cam naturally, i never had a inclining to run around town screaming and laughing.
which make having fun quite hard.
children have the most fun, because they do what they love because they love doing it.
I've always thought myself to be in my 20's.
but that was before...
I've said for the last for years that people should be living their teenage years not worrying about them that does no one any good.
i think I've started to act my age.
16 and stupid.
in a few years everyone will be living by themselves with loans to repay and other things to worry about.
for the last 12 years in my case all I've done i go to school and see my friends.
thats my whole world, except a few old friends and babysitting.
what else do we do ?
nest year the only people who care where we are will be our parents and they're easily fooled or they just don't want to know.
soon people will be excepting more of us.
getting a job moving out going to uni being adults.
so please don't take life to seriously.
at the moment everything hurt my heart my head and my conscience.
in 5 years hopefully they wont be hurting or at least wont be hurting for the same reasons.
hopefully it'll be a new boy who broke my heart.
hopefully I'll be hungover from a different weekend long bender.
hopefully i wont do anything to hurt a friend again.

remember skins ... the 5 years game, where will you be ??






HOPEFULLY AWAY FROM SADNESS MEANNESS AND HEARTACHE

Sad Times

i thought this was over....

I love the sunshine; i feels like someones stroking your face with beautiful feathers.

my escape route

Nature or Nurture ?

where do you guys stand. i think it's nurture but if you look at my and my lovely cousin Alastair we're exactly the same, we both have a habit of fucking things up but because we generally are nice people( coz I'm not big headed at all :P) we work and we try to make up for the things we've done well i do, i don't like speaking for people. is it weird that my idol is very like me? god that sounds self obsessed :S the best part of him is the best part in me too. and the worse part of me is in him too.

i used to think that my friends we're my family, mainly because i was a bratty child who got in a huff when me and my mum argued. i relied on my friends for the unconditional love, which i always try and give to everyone that need it because maybe they don't get love from where they need it from. someone caring even if your not that close can sometimes make the shit times seem less shit.

i hope that if i wasn't related to Al that we'd be friends, he had such a hard life and made a bit a few mistakes but he gives me that lovely family caring and love just for being the person that you are.

thats where I'm going when you guys are going to Charly's exams are over party :) he gunna cheer me up when you guys are partying, I'm sad me and charly aren't friend i can understand why but it's a shame :( for the people who read this that i probably wont see again, you are part of what keeps those of us that don't have the best home lives from feeling unloved and I'll miss you.

thanks guy for the lovely things it says in my signing book thingy <3

I hate this waiting, i've put myself out there I knew I wouldn't get a response but it still hurt.

I like him I really do, I want him to want to be with me.

I don't think he does though.

We'd work I think, At least I'd hope we would.

Lately i've been the worst version of myself. Not the person that you all deserve. For months I was bitching at you guys that you should be nicer to me, well i've skwered that up.

Good people do bad things. And bad people do bad things. I'm not a bad person but I did a terrible thing.

Not only to Ngaio but to everyone else that I hurt. I am truely sorry and theese last weeks i've sliently tought on my actions, my last one I do regret, it'll be the wrose I'll do.

I've changed, I'm not asking forgiveness just a chance to show it.


I love you guys.


He makes my heart squeeze and at the same time feel like it's too big for my chest <3