Oliver

i love crushes :)

i feel like a yr7 giggle with her friends at the school hottie but im not im just very happy to have ment a really great guy. it's the type of thing the consumes all your thoughts, makes you smile and keeps you warm at night (and trust me it was fucking cold).

he was far to old and good looking but everyone enjoys flattery. he must have thought me a silly teen. but he was brilliant at everything cept guessing ages, but im not complaining. nothing happened but it wasn't nothing. in the small hours, in the woods. but alas his height was a problem him being 6,5 we would have never worked out :P

sad times, happy time and brilliant weekend

yay!

happiness :)
friends :)
romance :)
sunshine :)
boys :)
girls :)
shambala :)
family :)
drink :)
photographs :)
Jesse :)
Tom :)
Kai :)
Ngaio :)
Bessie :)
Charly :)
Ben :)
Will :)
love :)
GCES's :(
6th form :(
family :(
friends :(
loneliness :(
leaving :(
being left :(

i had the best night, a really nice night, i didnt feel unwelcome like he wanted me to leave. it was good to have my friend back.

i messed up things with me and kai. apparently he wanted more at the pierces moment when i was a little confused about how i felt, i really liked him..i really like him, i keep forgetting that he's a lovely guy but on my way home from tom i walk past his house and every time i wanna pop by and say hi. im happy that i got a little something
with him but i regret let that go :( i wish he was around more.

im really lonely not for love but for company, sitting at home is getting a bit boring but i've kinda resigned myself to the rest of the summer being the same but it sucks.

i went from feeling like my brain is melting from stress to literally doing nothing.

im almost looking forard to go to 6th form meeting new people and being under pressure and having people around, new people im not quite sure how thats gunna go hopefully well. i used to be really good at making friends every campsite i used to come home with a new best friend. but lately my friend hope has become rather smaller; which is fine but this summer was suppose to be the best and so far it kinda sucking.

the camping trip was brilliant really good fun and no bitching. after that i was off to spain and 3 weeks later and im home again. apart from laurence and bessie i havent seen my friends at all which sucks, i really dont want next year for all of us to go off to next year and fall apart.

i have a piece of paper taped to my wall saying what i thhought i'd get: mostly A's and B's which at the time seemed realistic but noe when the nerves are setting in i really think i might have been aiming a bit to high. if i don't get my result my mum will be really sad and blame herself, which im not really sure i could stand and next year she wouldn't never get off my case so i really hope that i do well.

i'm learning the highway code ATM which is fun i cant wait to learn how to drive. my grandma has given me her little bright yellow 1 liter Citroen saxo. i tiny little thing that about 15 years old but she only drive it to marks and spencers food shop every week so it should run pretty good.
the insurance for me on my dads name and only 3rd party insurance is soo much money that i might not be able to drive this year. but just in case i've started saving money for petrol XD im gunna having to get myself a job to pay for the petrol. or i could just be a taxi for you lovely people at mates rates of course but i dunno maybe babysitting or not sure yet. any ideas about where i could get a job please let me know.

i've also decided to not take photography because at the induction day they made it sound very pretentious so i'm taking classic's which should be good i was going to take it before but then my choices changed when i told my mum i could possible take a science at A level i'm far to thick for that.
i really hope i can motivate myself next year to work OFC i wanna have a good time and not waste my last 2 years of no responsibility partying but i dont want theese to year to restrict my future.

i'm over tom, he's brilliant and great but i'm not still in love with him or anything like that. but im staying in the room in Germany where i stayed with him and last night i went to the restaurant i went to with him. i done a lot in bristol so not everything reminds me of him but this flat reminds me of him, and us and everything.

i invited ben but he had other things to do, i could get hold of bessie so i couldnt invite her and ngaios in candia so im here alone.

im soo far from home, really bad timing to get sad